The Vulnerability and Wisdom of The Vagina


yoni as portalAs I begin this post, I can feel that it will be raw, visceral and deep. So grab your beverage of choice and sit with me in a place of no distraction.  This topic is important, for both women and men.

The primary focus of my work, as many of you know, is teaching women the powerful and unique language of their bodies as a path for transformation.  Women’s bodies speak a particular language, via our reproductive experiences; namely the menstrual cycle, pregnancy and menopause, and also via our sexuality.

After a recent conversation with a woman about her sexuality and these body messages, I began to think about the vagina (often I will refer to as yoni) and its profound wisdom and vulnerability in our lives.  There are a range of experiences women have which involve this portal, both literally and spiritually.  In the normal spectrum,  there is giving birth, to our monthly cycles, to sex, to the undesirable experiences of rape and sexual violence in all forms, as well as female genital mutilation.  Our vaginas are messengers and teachers, yet many women have shame, fear, ignorance, and numbness, to name just a few, around this area of their bodies.

Vulnerability is defined most simply as capable of being physically or emotionally wounded or hurt.  For most men, and many women, the word vulnerability provokes discomfort.  Why would anyone want to be vulnerable?  Because without vulnerability, we are closed.  When we are closed, we cannot receive love and the many other blessings which are possible within the range of our human experience.  The key is to be vulnerable and to have discernment.  This is a gift of the vagina.  Whether women realize it or not, your vagina speaks to you via body messages even when you are not tuned in to your truths.  It is a vulnerable space and yet it is capable of stretching to birth a child.  It has a profound physical resilience.  Its vulnerability lies in its connection to our hearts.  Its discernment is mind-blowingly clear through the messages it delivers to a woman’s body as feedback.

In teachings on tantra and other sacred texts, there is a known connection and polarity between a woman’s heart and her vagina/yoni, and a man’s heart and his penis.  In a woman, the positive pole is her heart/breasts and the negative is the vagina.  In a man, his heart is the negative pole and his penis is the positive.  When a man and a woman embrace in a normal hug and/or sexually, these poles are activated in the same way that battery cables work.  For women, the vulnerability of our hearts is tied to our vaginas.  Any woman knows, and men should, that when a woman opens her heart, her legs are powerless to remain closed.  When a woman surrenders her heart, her sexuality comes alive.  And this is where the vulnerability of the vagina begins.  In entering a woman sexually, her heart is also entered, even if she feels closed, as in casual sex.

Many women today are engaging in sex without an awareness of this aspect of themselves.  But the vagina knows, even if you are completely oblivious.  When a woman allows a man to fuck her without a heart connection, or respect at a minimum, penetration becomes denigration.   A woman KNOWS when his has happened because she feels used, empty, sad, depressed.    There are many, many shades and flavors to sexuality.  When the vagina is accessed without connection, women suffer on various levels.  And your body WILL tell you when a man has no business being inside you.  And this doesn’t apply just to casual sex, but also to any relationship or marriage.  We all choose unwisely at times in our lives, myself included.  But your vagina invariably knows the truth.

How?  For starters, immediately after being with a man, if it’s a situation where you’ve been used, or a relationship that has never honored you, you just feel empty.  Many, many women know this place as not wanting to have sex, but doing it anyway.    Some women may be unaware of this emptiness if it’s been the way you’ve done sex your whole life or for a protracted period of time, but there is an emptiness, and often there are tears, if not immediately in his presence, later when you are alone.  When you’ve chosen wisely, you feel CONNECTED, more connected to that man after being penetrated by him.  And penetration by him is beyond his penis.  When a man truly penetrates a woman, the WHOLE woman and not just the hole of a woman, he finds his own heart and all of the polarities come alive.  There is vulnerability and trust.  A woman may cry after this kind of sex as well, but the tears will be very different because they will be from a place of being embraced rather than used,  a place of connection rather than disconnection, a place that reached into her heart – and his.

I’ve worked with women who were sleeping with men that they knew were wrong for them, yet they continued to have sex with them.  Often, your body will create physical dis-ease as a message to you about your choice.  I cannot tell you how many times I’ve encountered this phenomenon in my work with women.  I remember one client would get a yeast infection every time after sleeping with this man she was attached to.  Her vagina’s wisdom was literally speaking to her, telling her this man was wrong for her.   I’ve seen women get bladder infections as well after sexual encounters with men who were bad choices for them.  Cervical issues as well are often body wisdom messengers speaking to a woman about how she is not honoring herself. Many women will have an intensification of menstrual pain, if they are prone to it normally, and women who normally don’t experience PMS will while in a relationship, sexual or otherwise, that does not honor them.  Ladies, you KNOW.   You may be choosing to ignore that you know, but in that deepest part of you,  there is wisdom.

Someone shared with me recently that they read an article saying that it’s impossible to have a vaginal orgasm, that there’s no such thing.  That’s utterly ridiculous.  When a woman’s body is shut down emotionally or indulging in fast food sex, which is the cultural norm, there is a lack of vulnerabilty IN HER HEART.    Remember the vagina and heart are connected.  If your heart is closed and you have sex with someone without connection, orgasm is not possible vaginally for most women.  Vaginal orgasms are the deepest, most profound form of orgasm.  Many women are getting off on jackhammer vibrators, using only clitoral stimulation, which only promotes more desensitization, resulting in more of an inability to feel the subtleties within the vagina.  It’s aggressive,  surface stimulation, and I know that many men feel with penetration they can’t compete with those quickie surface orgasms.      It  deprives them of an ability to become great lovers if women seem to only want to get off clitorally.   Deep, vulnerable, heart and soul-stirring orgasms come with a willingness to choose openness of your heart and the wisdom to discern whether you should open your legs to this man.  That is why women are finding it difficult to have vaginal orgasms, not because they don’t exist, but because our relationship to our vaginas and our hearts is so fragile.

When a woman allows a man to f.u.c.k. (my definition: f.ree u.nrestrained c.onnection to k.undalini) her from a place of heart connection, both can let their freak flags fly.  All those shades of our sexuality, when done from a place of real connection and trust, can be incredible to experience, and promote the deepest of intimacy.  But when we allow men into this vulnerable place, using that definition of vulnerable I mentioned earlier, our bodies know immediately if we can trust him.  If a woman is tuned in to herself and the subtle energies that we have access to through our vaginas, that knowing is unmistakable.  If you are tuned in to your body in general, you know before you ever get to the point of penetration.  But we often ignore that voice that tells us not to go there.  And then when we do, it’s like we have broken our own hearts.  If we can’t say the word vagina, if we can’t look at it, touch it and have pleasure through it, then we are disconnected from its wisdom consciously, but it will speak to you via the body messages I’ve mentioned above, and more.  Even if you don’t physical issues related to your vagina,  depression will often be the messenger.

There is another layer of vulnerability to the vaginas of women who have been victims of sexual abuse or rape.  In my work with women in this area, I see that women cope with this painful violation — which is of the soul, and not just the body — in different ways.  Some avoid sex.  Some indulge in lots of disconnected sex.  Some eat their unprocessed feelings, and put on weight as a way of protecting themselves, with the idea that if they are overweight, they won’t become victims of sexual violation again.  These are but a few shades, as each woman deals with this trauma in different ways.  Even for those that go through some form of healing, their vulnerability in this area is even greater than women who have not suffered this abuse.  Men need to understand this, and women need to honor this piece if it is part of their life’s truth.  I don’t think that men truly understand what it means to be penetrated.  To have a man enter into this vulnerable place.  The only analogy I could possibly offer is for a straight man to experience anal penetration.  For most straight men, it provokes vulnerability.  Here we are in a society where we are barely able to look each other in the eyes, to penetrate each other in our gaze.  Yet often women allow themselves to be penetrated vaginally without an awareness of the sacredness of their bodies.  When was the last time you were with a man sexually and you were able to hold each other’s gaze?  Do you allow him to penetrate you without being seen?  The eyes are the window to your soul.  If you’re unwilling to allow access to being penetrated through your eyes, how can you possibly allow vaginal penetration.  It’s an act of disrespect.  And men, how can you not see the woman, the human being, the soul that you desire?  How can you fuck a woman without caring who she is?  Women, if you value yourself more, you wouldn’t find yourself with a man who would do this to you, and if you did, you’d walk away.  The more you learn to honor what you carry between your legs, the more you will understand its connection to your heart.  The more you honor your heart, the more you will be unable to allow sexual penetration of this vulnerable, sacred space.

Couples who have love and trust can explore 50 shades of gray, and every other color under the sun.  Sexual exploration is vital to our understanding of who we are, but for a woman, opening to allow those experiences with a man who doesn’t value her, honor her, will make her feel used, violated.   Without intimacy and trust between two people, we are violating ourselves repeatedly.  I believe that the kind of sexual experiences people are longing to have can only happen in a SATISFYING way if the people involved have that heart connection, that trust, that intimacy.  Women, you know.  And you must listen in order to take care of your own heart.

In our culture today, so many men are using women’s bodies as receptacles for their pleasure, dismissing and discarding the heart and soul of women.  And many believe that women are okay with it.  Many women falsely believe they have to comply with “men’s needs” in order to have a man, so they make themselves okay with it.  I’m offering a different perspective.  Men reading this, I ask you to dig deep within you and try to imagine the vulnerabilty of penetration for a woman, and the pain and hurt you can cause by just not giving a damn about her, using her only to get off on.   Even if you think she’s okay with it, even if she says she is, many women are so wounded and blocked here, from so much pain, that they are numb.  The harm you do by using a woman at any time is beyond my ability to convey to you with words.  I am not asking you to read a woman’s mind.  I am simply asking you to examine your motives.  If you know you’re only using her for sex, perhaps you could make a different choice.    You know what your intention is.  Be mindful of that.  Find a place inside you that honors women, our bodies, our hearts, and that vulnerable portable you are all so fond of inhabiting.  It’s not yours to take ownership of or to use as you wish.  Women, you MUST stop allowing this to happen.  We have the power through honoring ourselves to put an end to this.  We have the power to educate men with love and grace by simply standing in our own self-love and self-respect.  We don’t have to make men wrong in order to change this.   I also believe that when women honor men and stop vilifying them, men in turn will honor women.  When we understand this simple truth, our relationship to each other will be transformed, and we will learn to truly serve each other.

 

With love & blessings,

Gina

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8 thoughts on “The Vulnerability and Wisdom of The Vagina

  1. HI Gina. I deeply related to this article. I think of the vagina as a sacred, vulnerable place, a very special part of a woman. This article made me want to cry, because I have been deeply wounded by men, as not one of the men I have been with has truly honoured me. Now, at the age of 50, I no longer want anything to do with men at all, and am so damaged it is unlikely (without some kind of healing) that I ever will again. Their masculine energy scares me and I can’t bear some of their attitudes towards women and vaginas. They say they stink, look ugly, are fishy, etc and use horrible words to describe them. It is only another way of denigrating women.

    I love using the words ‘vagina’ and ‘vulva’ – I don’t use other words. If I’d had children, daughters, I’d have taught them that their vaginas are a very special part of them, and to keep them for the one special man in their life, and to never let anyone make them feel ashamed of that part of them.

    I agree that our vaginas are connected to our hearts, and that they tell us when something is wrong. I know what it is to feel empty and used. I still haven’t recovered completely from the experience I had with the last man I was with, who I realise now was a predator. I still carry those wounds, even though he never penetrated me vaginally, but he was always trying to get his hands down there. I hated his hard probing fingers. It was like that part of me was the only part worth bothering with, and I don’t believe he actually ever saw me as a PERSON at all. I never did have an open heart towards men – growing up without a father didn’t help – but this has caused an almost complete cessation, a ‘closing’ of desire for men.
    Never again will a man be allowed to dishonour me. With this pain has come good things – a realisation that I am valuable, I am worth so much more than just my sexuality, and that my womanhood is to be held in high esteem and kept away from men who would seek to denigrate it. I dress in more feminine, modest clothing, in part because I want to feel safe from men’s eyes, and because I value my body as a private thing.

    It’s interesting that according to Chinese medicine, the genitals and reproductive organs are on the same meridian as the liver – the liver meridian encircles that area. Our livers – which have so much to do with our very lives – is intimately connected to this area. I have been doing liver cleansing over the last year – a very difficult business, as I have a very sensitive, congested liver – and as soon as I started taking a herbal tonic, I developed an itch on my labia majora. The more I took the more itchy areas developed. It included my labia minora, clitoris, and just inside the entrance of my vagina. I was also having acupuncture, but I stopped everything for a few months and it cleared up. When I started taking the tonic again, the itch returned.

    I continued and now, just as the point of my thinking I should finally see a doctor, it has stopped, and is 98 % clear. I have also ‘cleared’ a lot of emotion around the man I was last with – the anger has mostly subsided. I now regard him as a ‘small’ person with a lot of issues, a cold hearted user and someone I will never be able to like or respect again as I once did. I hope to be able to see him in a kinder light in future, though I would never want to give him the time of day, even if I do, for my own safety. But I also think I have turned a corner with my liver function, and am now starting to mend.

    I also noticed (I have been through the menopause) that if I am very stressed, I tend to get spotting, which resolves when the stress does. Truly our vaginas do speak to us. I try to avoid stress as much as I can.

    I remember a story written in book on women’s health, about a teenaged girl who was dressed up to go out on a date. Her father looked at her and called her a slut. She said the words seemed to go deep into her body and lodged there, and years later she got endometriosis. It was like he cursed her. Sure, it didn’t affect her vagina per se, but it still affected her sexual health.

    I have been thinking of the women who become rape victims in wartime – raped by the invaders, who invade more than a foreign country. The women’s sacred places are violated as a strategy of war. I have just read some articles about it. In times past, women were treated as ‘spoils of war’ but more lately, rape has been used to redefine ethnic boundaries – producing bastard children – and to demoralize the invaded people. It is used as a military strategy. I also read about how sexual violence towards women has risen since the wars over the last century, and that war itself makes women more vulnerable to rape.

    I also have looked at female genital mutilation – a terrible thing, as much as rape and sexual assault. Again, it is an effort to control girls. Where did men get this idea that they should have control over our vaginas and our sexuality? It’s as if they recognised, from the beginning, the power of our sexuality, especially the vagina, and sought to suppress it.

    Oh well, I really enjoyed the article, and hope these thoughts are of interest to you.

    Natasha.

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    • Natasha, i’m glad that you resonated deeply with this post. Most women in their core really do know this to be the truth. Sadness comes when we realize we are not honoring the wisdom from within and in particularly in regards to our vaginas. I invite you to try to let go of the part that feels victimized by the collective of men. For every “bad guy” you walk past, there’s 100 good ones but when we put others in boxes we lose our ability to see the good, to see that there are good men out there that would honor and value you. I acknowledge your deep sadness and hurt, and hope that you can find a way to heal it. It is never too late. You are already aware of the sensitivity within you and that is a big start. check out some of the webinars that I offer and also I do private one-on-one work. If you feel called to do so, you can always reach out to me through the contact page of the website. I’m sending you much love and appreciation for the time and the vulnerability you took to share your thoughts and feelings and I hope that they will resonate with other women as well.
      Much love, Gina

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  2. Hello Gina,

    I really enjoyed your article. But I do have a major trick question. Why only the so-called only my bad choices (3 guys from which 2 of them infected me with something after penetration which was developed in time) made me feel for the first time in life good and mostly painless in bed? I’m not talking about orgasms here, I hope this is clear that I refer only to the actual act of intercourse. Sadly, the rest of the guys I slept with, whether they were relationship type of guys or not, made me feel pain during the penetration, some when entering the vagina or some by going to deep. These 2 things were not an issue with the 3 bad choices and, yes, my gynecologist told me everything is normal and alright down there.

    I’d really like to hear your opinion on this topic. Thanks in advance!

    Like

    • Hi Sandra,
      I would have to have a bit more information before I can actually answer that question for you. My intuition without more information though is that sometimes we convince ourselves that someone is right for us, even though the body knows and disproves that eventually. When you feel good about being with someone you’re more likely to have a positive experience with them sexually. Sometimes we delude ourselves about who that person is, who they might be in our lives, how they feel about us and even how we feel about them and bypass that deeper wise mechanism within us. so if I had to make an educated guess from what you said here, it was a form of self delusion and maybe fantasy around who the man was and that allowed you to open up and have a positive experience physically even though in the long run you saw that it turned out to be a bad choice. I hope that helps! And thank you so much for taking the time to write. Much love to you!!

      Like

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