I’m not a big TV watcher, but my daughter has gotten me hooked on Game of Thrones. Until three weeks ago, I had never seen an episode, and now I’m all caught up and eagerly awaiting the Sunday night return for season 4. So I had to ask myself what in the world is it about this show that’s just got a hold of me and won’t let go. I mean, it’s brutally violent. Back in those days, you literally lived and died by the sword and heads are graphically chopped off and severed and people, including women and children, are run through and beheaded as well. It’s REALLY gory. But it dawned on me just today what it is about the show that has captured me and IT’S THOSE MEN!
The men are so damned masculine. That word gets thrown about a lot and it’s very of the moment for both men and women to describe and define it, and I suppose like beauty, masculinity is in the eye of the beholder. Yet I do find a VERY consistent agreement among us women about this and any woman I’ve talked to who watches Game of Thrones agrees these men are an all-but-dead breed in terms of their character. If you are one of those men who is reading this, please invite other men to join you.
Now let me say first, there are many, many layers to this show and these men, and there are elements that are very disturbing, particularly the “right to rape” by the more brutal and savage men on the show, but for the purposes of this post, I’m only focusing on the masculine element of the men who are of an honorable ilk.
These men are strong, literally physically. Wielding a sword and riding on horseback and walking everywhere makes the body strong and so muscular. oooh-la-la. A man’s musculature is just a sexy thing. Period. I know men have equivalent analogies about women’s bodies, but ladies, you KNOW what I’m saying! They have to effort, and strive, and they bond with each other. Their HONOR and their WORD, and KEEPING it, literally define them as men. And that piece for me, is so seductive.
Often over the years in my coaching work with men and in their emails to me, the dominant question to me is: “How do I connect with women?” And my answer to all of them, regardless of their situation is distilled into one basic concept: Be who you are, true to yourself first. Don’t change to accommodate her if it causes you to go against who you are, have something you stand for and never give that up. Have integrity and honor. Have a community of men that you never abandon, and live by your word. A man like that will have women all around him. But more importantly, he will have men all around him.
The characters on the show have all of those qualities I realized. And not all of them are good-looking (for those of you saying, “but those guys are hot, because they’re actors”.) There’s a dwarf, who is sexy as hell because he’s powerful in his presence. There’s a fat boy who calls himself a coward but when the opportunity to defend a woman and her child arose, he found it within him. In fact, there’s as large a band of uglies on the show as there are hotties
So as I pondered why I’d fallen into Thrones and can’t get out, I realized that those kind of men are very rare these days. Speaking not only for myself, as I know other women feel the same, I long to see the return of that kind of man. When I watch the show, it’s a turn on to watch them, even if it’s on a screen. And the turn on is from the inside out; mental, physical, spiritual. It’s DEEP. These men are willing to fight for their causes and their beliefs and their loves and their families and their kingdoms. We may not have kingdoms anymore, but we do have all the rest.
Many men would argue that they’re not appreciated when they try to lead or take charge, that many women find that to be controlling. And there are men that are controlling and women who are equally as controlling. I wrote a blog about the masculine and feminine energies of leading and following in Tango, and it is that type of energy I’m speaking of here. (read it HERE)
For men though I think it’s much deeper than just an ability to take control or lead in a way that makes women swoon. And trust me ALL women swoon in the presence of a certain kind of man.(and there are MANY variations of this man, not one model). I think that men, from boyhood, no longer have male models that teach them honor, integrity and the value of their word. It’s a lost way of life for the most part and I for one would love to see it revived. I believe the loss of connection to men’s traditions (whatever they may be for where you are in the world) and that missing brotherhood is a part of it. I also believe that when men make so much of their lives about chasing and finding and capturing women, they innately lose themselves, and a man who has no connection to himself is unattractive to a woman of worth. When you are self-centered you are magnetic, male or female. Note that self-centered here means centered in yourself and not selfish, as it’s commonly used. To be centered in who you are as a man, is THE MOST ATTRACTIVE quality you can possess. It has nothing to do with your looks, your money, your breeding, the stuff you own.
Our culture is truly and outside-in one. We think if we decorate the outside we can attract that man or woman. But it’s just subterfuge which falls away quickly when there is no substance within to sustain it. Men, you’ve been in the presence of men who you admire and wish to emulate. You’ve been in the presence of men who are magnetic to women. Think about the qualities those men had. And please note I’m not talking about those men who have learned to manipulate women via psychology or “techniques” learned by gurus on how to get laid. Those men are not worth a woman of worth’s time.
Another beautiful quality these men of honor have is the ability to bring forth the feminine in a woman. There’s a lot of sexuality on the show which is very different from what I’ve seen on other shows. There’s a simplicity and rawness to desire that feels so natural. The women are sexually comfortable and very feminine yet strong, too. The time of the show was an era of great hardship and the women were VERY hardy and independent. But the men are so potent and self-centered that the women, despite their own fierceness, surrender with pleasure. Literally!
There’s one character that was on the show that was an incredible embodiment of the wilder, fierce element of honorable men and he was my favorite. There’s a wildness in my own soul that loves that kind of man, But I also love the more refined version, too. We have many shades as women. More than 50 shades of grey. :) I realized as I felt stirred by his presence on screen that the stronger the wild force in a man, the deeper the heart has been in my own personal experience. And a man’s heart is the really juicy part. I believe this is true of women, too. That shade isn’t for the faint of heart and it’s not everyone’s flavor. But it’s my favorite.
So ponder, men, what masculine is to you. And ladies, if you love this kind of man, you can inspire him to bring these qualities forth. It’s in all men, closer to the surface in some than others. And while a woman can evoke some of this from a man, it has to live within him for himself first. Some of us are waiting, watching and hoping…and in the meantime, I’ll get my fix from Game of Thrones.
Love & Blessings,