What; PMS and intimacy in the same sentence? Yes, they do go hand in hand and let me tell you how and why. First of all, let’s take a look at what PMS REALLY is. To do that I have to explain to you that in my world and the work that I do, I love to redefine negative concepts and language, imbuing them with positivity. Life after all is all about perspective. We tend to believe what we’ve been told growing up by the adults in our life, as well as buying into all the media messages we are bombarded with constantly. What I do and what I’m asking you to do is THINK FOR YOURSELF. Reframe things outside the box so that they empower you, rather than victimize you. PMS as I have redefined it stands for Powerful Monthly Sight. Ladies, open your minds. You guys, too.
Ladies first. Each month, beyond our hormonal changes, we have emotional shifts that happen. I am a firm believer that this aspect has not been examined nearly closely enough in all the “research” that’s been done on our menstrual cycle, yet every woman knows what I’m talking about when I say this. Each month, for women who tend to play “nice,” and people please for others in their lives, especially our mates and our kids, even bosses and friends, when we are not honest about our truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, we end up suppressing a lot of emotion, which always ends up turning into anger, and depending on how many years of your life you’ve been doing this, it can often turn into pure, unmitigated rage. For women who have trouble expressing anger, it pours through your eyes as tears. but something sets you off, usually something your spouse or your child does, and you just explode. Basically you blow emotional chunks all over the place and leave a mess everywhere. And the truth is, you only feel better for a moment, as you have not really addressed or healed what was causing you to feel these feelings in the first place.
Men, you too experience our PMS (the mainstream version). You notice without fail that each month, there is a cycle to the emotional issues the woman (or women, as in daughters, friends, etc.) in your life experiences, and you wisely connect the dots and often end up saying things like, “you must be about to get your period because you’re bringing THAT up again.” When you make that statement, a woman will feel that you’re not taking her seriously and simply labeling her hormonal, like the media and everyone else around her does, too.
What to do ladies and gents? Go deep into the issues using my model of Powerful Monthly Sight and let the conversation lead you into the realm of intimacy. Ladies, this is the time of the month where the rose-colored glasses come off, where you get a shot of truth serum in the arm, and all the ways that you have been BS’ing yourself all month long, perhaps for years, are in your face, in black and white. All the ways that you have not been honoring yourself, your truth, your needs are before you in the resultant “issues,’ ready for you to address.
The problem for most women is where to start once they realize what this truly means, that this Powerful Monthly Sight is really an opportunity to work through and HEAL a lot of issues in your life. When you adopt this new perspective you can start to say to yourself things like, “I realize that the way my guy never helps me around the house is because I have an issue asking for help.” Or “He never listens to me,” can be reframed to a place of taking responsibility for not going to him and saying “Can we talk about something.” The mainstream PMS causes you to be a victim of your circumstances, to project what’s wrong in your life out onto someone else, usually your spouse. But in reality you are a creator of your own life through your choices, and my version of PMS will allow you to take responsibility for having made the choices you did so that you can choose differently. This is the path of empowerment. But until you realize it’s your choices that have created what you have in your life, good or bad, you will feel a victim to your own life.
Women are more sensitive at this time, more vulnerable. We live in a fast paced masculine rhythm in our world and there will be no down time to examine your life, reflect and decide how to change things that aren’t working unless you SCHEDULE TIME WITH YOURSELF, Quiet time, away from all distractions. That’s why I advocate for women to take a few days BEFORE their periods start to be with self and reflect. After that reflection, with some clarity about what’s on your mind, talk to your man and allow issues to transmute into intimacy. That’s really what they’re designed to do if we are courageous enough to go there.
Now men, here’s what you can do. There’s nothing wrong ostensibly with mentioning that her period must be near because she’s brought up an issue. It’s not what you say; it’s HOW you say it. Perhaps saying, “This is an issue that comes up for you regularly, honey. It must be important to you. Do you want to talk about it?” Now before you think, “no way, I’m not going into the lion’s den,” just give it a try. Preferably AFTER she’s read this article. LOL.
Also for you men, one of the things that I know you notice is that women shut down sexually with their cycles, but you may not realize that the biggest reason is not hormonal, but emotional. When we are feeling closed in our hearts, our legs tend to close, too. When we have a pile of unresolved issues inside of us that we never talk about, we shut down. Passionate, free-flowing sexuality is a by product of openness. Get the connection?
For men who really love their women, this Powerful Monthly Sight time is a way to bring EMOTIONAL closeness into the relationship. I feel that this is the weakest link for most couples, probably because it requires the most sustained, ongoing effort, but it is also the most rewarding as that emotional closeness keeps the passion alive for both men and women.
So make time to talk, REALLY HONESTLY. This is a time for you men to really just listen. I know you’re solution oriented, but sometimes we just need to vent. For most men, to just vent without figuring out HOW to fix it makes little sense, but for us women, getting it off our chest is often part of the solution. And ladies, don’t make him wrong! When you do that to a man, he shuts down. Take responsibility for your choices and speak honestly and clearly about what’s bothering you. Use the pronoun “I’ in the conversations much more than “you” when you start your sentences. Then ask for what you need from your partner. You’ll be amazed at how much closer you will feel after doing this. And just keep working at it. You’ll have a chance every month to perfect your skill set. And remember to keep the love flowing. Then PMS can be Powerful Monthly (in)Sight!
To learn more about my concept of W.O.M.A.N. and other areas of our lives as women I have redefined, please visit my website, www.redefiningwoman.com, and subscribe to my radio show. It’s all free!
Love & Blessings,
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