Whenever I sit down to write these posts, I truly never have any idea how long they will be. A title comes to me and, like a midwife, I sit down and allow myself to be used as a channel. So before you read this, scroll down and see how long it is and if you have the 5-10 minutes to read it. This one feels important, even before I begin to write the meat of it.
Lately I’ve had quite a few women come to me and express dissatisfaction with their sexuality/sex life. When they come to me, often they feel there is something wrong WITH THEM because they aren’t feeling sexual, and as I begin to work with them to help them unfurl the petals of this vital part of their feminine nature, what I am seeing over and over is fear and disconnection, brought about by a woman’s own body wisdom.
Throughout my life I have always said that the most important things I’ve ever learned I have learned through my body. Living in a world that from a very early age teaches women and girls NOT to listen to their innate body wisdom has caused a massive shut down in our ability to discern what is healthy from what may be dysfunction. We trust more what we hear outside of us, instead of what we hear from within. So many women who feel disconnected sexually are actually in a place of awakening, as their body wisdom has taken over where the mind has failed them. In their deepest heart, they KNOW that this version of sex they are being sold is all wrong for them, but because there is no body trust for most women, it becomes depression and a subscription to the mainstream mindset that there must be something wrong with you.
Sexuality in our culture has become a lot like fast food, and just as devoid of nutrition and satisfaction. We are hungry for something that we know we are supposed to get via sex, both women and men, yet after living on junk food, we are physically sick and more in need of nutrition than ever. That nutrition is the energetic component of sex that is all but lost in the way we do sex now, and yet women’s bodies are rebelling against this, even as women’s minds subscribe to the BS that there’s something wrong with you if you don’t want sex or aren’t having it.
You see the words “women’s sexual dysfunction” all over the place these days. Women are being led to believe we are broken in our sexuality as we have been led to believe we are broken in our bodies because we get periods, have babies and go through menopause. The more we are bombarded with these negative concepts via media messages, personal exchanges, and personal beliefs, the more “depressed” we become. But that depression is your soul calling you to awaken and take ownership of your powerful sexuality as you reject the mainstream models. We are in a hook up/porn culture, where sex is just something you do, for stress relief, recreation, or procreation, but there’s a whole other universe, literally, when two people who are REALLY connected merge their flesh. Like all of what I share/teach/speak and write about, I live these truths, and my sexuality has been a FORCE in my life that has taught me so much, and I know that if I had been listening to the mainstream spewing of crap, I wouldn’t have had the powerful experiences I’ve always had.
Think about what sex is and why we are so compelled to think about it constantly (and yes, men, we do think about it that much!) And think about the part of sex that everyone is obsessed with: orgasm. An orgasm is like the transporter in Star Trek. It’s a “beam me up Scotty” experience when the energies between two people are in sync. That in sync quality has to do with the energy systems in our bodies and how they come together when our genitals come together. Sexuality is meant to be a bridge to higher levels of consciousness. Yes, I do believe and have experienced this. It is a way to know whatever God you believe in. I personally believe that the lack of this experience is why we have the obsession with “lots of sex.” It’s quality, not quantity. The difference between junk food and the kind that nourishes your body. The junk food tastes good but doesn’t really nourish, and yet it becomes addictive so you keep going for it, but it will never supply what you long for and need. And women are feeling this in their souls now, as their bodies say no to what’s on the menu now.
Ladies, TRUST YOUR BODIES. They are portals for a kind of wisdom that is all but lost in this modern world. If your sexuality is turned down or turned off, spend time within your psyche and your emotional life to find out what is scaring you. My experience in working with women has taught me that fear is the largest factor; fear of opening into an intimate place (or one that is supposed to be) and feeling used, not seen, not felt by your partner, and fear of not wanting to engage in the sexual violence that has become part of mainstream consensual sex. The bottom line is that many women do not feel safe with their current or potential sexual partners. They do not feel these men are trustable, and that is an important feeling for you to respect. Don’t talk yourself out of not having sex by telling yourself (or listening to someone else tell you) that you’re sexually dysfunctional. TRUST WHAT YOU FEEL.
Your sexuality is a frequency and it is powerful. A woman who is aligned with the depth and breadth of what she carries between her legs and the energy inside her is aligned with her TRUE sexuality. A woman aligned with her true sexuality will be able to say no from a healthy place, and yes from a knowing that when she chooses a man, he will be capable of riding that frequency with her. I know personally that there are not a lot of men who can actually handle that kind of connection. There’s a lot of fear for men as well around true intimacy. Fucking isn’t intimacy. But f.u.c.k.ing is. For those of you unfamiliar with my redefinition of that word, it stands for f.ree u.nrestrained c.onnection to k.undalini. Kundalini is the spiritual energy that lies coiled at the base of the spine like a snake and can be awakened through yoga and meditation, but also through sexual energy.
There are energy channels all throughout our bodies. There are meridians and chakras which are wheels of energy found in different places in our physiology. The chakras have actually been scientifically measured as energy centers, for those of you who think this is new age BS. Ladies, remember this as well, we take a man into our physical bodies. Literally. There is a deep vulnerability in that. Shouldn’t you think carefully about the quality of the man you say yes to, and who you allow to pass through this very sacred portal? Life moves in and out of us vaginally, whether we are giving birth, menstruating or having sex. I wonder how many of you have stopped to consider this idea, and in considering it now, does it hit you viscerally? I hope so. And men, please ponder that for a long moment.
For you guys reading this, a few words for you. Based on the coaching work I’ve done with men, which has all been around sexuality, I’ve learned that you, too, long for intimacy, even when you can’t and won’t say it. I’ve often said that when you look at a woman and feel like you want her sexually, that’s just conditioning. Societally and biologically in part, you’re pushed in the direction of that singular sexual drive, as you’re taught that is one way you prove you’re a man, but when you REALLY feel satisfied with a woman, it’s not from the actual sex or the orgasm, it’s from her WANTING YOU AND OPENING TO YOU. When that happens, you are fed in places beyond your biology. I know this from these men and from the men in my own life that I’ve had intimate relationships with. But men and women are afraid of this deeper energy, of these polarities and frequencies that open you up. When men and women have orgasms from this kind of connection, it brings about healing and realignment in your physical body. Sex heals. Marvin Gaye had it right…
So ladies, that feeling of dissatisfaction that so many of you are experiencing around your sexuality is a messenger. It’s an awakening for you to trust that and to allow your true, deep, intense sexual energy to surface so that you can find men who are seeking to be blessed by this energy with you. And in the meantime, as you cultivate a relationship with your own sexuality from this authentic place, you gift yourself with this powerful energy which can be used in your daily life, especially as a force for creating that which you desire. Know that you are not damaged or broken or dysfunctional. It’s time to trust your inner guidance to lead you to that awakening and the sexual healing inherent in embracing your own powerful sexual energy.
With love and gratitude,