Gina Cloud’s Segment of The Ricki Lake Show

Many of you asked me how you could see my appearance on The Ricki Lake Show, as you had missed it live.  I finally have access to the footage.  Click Here To Watch.

By the way, you won’t be able to view this on an iPhone or iPad for some reason I don’t understand.

Love & Blessings,

Gina

WOMEN WON’T BE SAFE UNTIL MEN LIVE IN THEIR TRUE HEARTS

CLICK IMAGE TO READ

So get ready, this one is gonna be an intense post.  If you’re a woman reading this, PLEASE share it with as many men as you can.  Ready?  Here we go…

A thought occurred to me about a year or so ago that I want to share publicly now:  No matter what women do to become empowered and educated, or to protect ourselves, the culture of violence against women by men will undermine all of that.  It occurred to me that for women to be safe in this world from all the violence, especially sexual violence against us, that we have to help men heal what drives them to do these things to us.  When men have peace in their hearts and have permission to have feelings, when they feel seen and acknowledged by women and others in the world,  and to want love and to give it, then women and children stand a chance to be safe from physical, mental, emotional and spiritual harm.

Recently in the news was the Steubenville Rape Case, where a 16-year-old girl was drugged and literally dragged around from party to party and raped repeatedly.  Anyone who wants the gory details, and they are gory, can Google it.  I’m only referring to it here as an example of where we have arrived as a society.  The question in my mind as I followed the case was what made these boys do this?  What made them think this was okay to do?  What made them see that girl as an object and not a person?  How can we change this?

Now let me say, I”m not playing the blame game here.  Those of you who have followed my work through the years know I am an advocate for men being authentic and believe in the goodness that lives in men’s hearts.  But the truth is simple:  If men didn’t do these things (and boys now, too!) , didn’t have the desire to do these things,  we women wouldn’t have to work so hard at protecting ourselves.

I don’t believe that it is the true nature of man to want to do those things. I firmly believe that as a society we have come to embrace many things under the guise of “well, that’s just the way it is.”  I believe I have a blog post here somewhere on how angry those words make me. Violence against women and children has run amok. I believe that the indoctrination that many boys and men have into sexuality via porn, violent video games, and other forms of media, and the lack of caring and nurturing as well contribute to the idea that it is okay to be violent, to hatred  towards women, to the notion that women are not people, but sexual objects and that they can do what they please with us.  As a society we are now looking at many forms of violence and condoning them, because we have become desensitized to them.  And women are embracing the violence against them as well.

But the playing field for most violence against women and children is sexual.    What I feel is happening  in terms of sexuality is that it has lost its meaning as a form of expression as love and simply become an act of violence. Clearly there are people in loving relationships and I am not intending to generalize, here but I’m looking at the mainstream media and what we are finding in the news and the crimes that we are being made aware of,  so many involve sexual violence against women, and it is a global problem.

I think a lot about the root causes of things in life. And I do believe that we need to find a way to help men who do these things to heal and to heal these ROOT causes in life that are creating these symptoms. The violence, the rapes, the repression are all symptoms of the disease that rest within our souls.   Women do have to educate ourselves and step up and become aware, but without the men in the goodness of their own hearts, and a desire to protect the feminine and to honor the life-giving principles that we are supposed to embody, we are fighting an uphill battle.   And life should not be a battle, but a flow.

I have often said in my work and in many interviews that I believe that a man’s heart is a profoundly deep and beautiful thing. I have been fortunate in my life to be loved tremendously to know the value of a man’s heart. I often envision a cross,  not in the religious sense, but just as a clear visual picture.    I see a woman’s heart as the  horizontal line of the cross.  We are able to embrace and enfold many people at one time in our hearts.  Our gift is abundant non singular love. I see a man’s heart as the vertical line on that cross. When a Man loves there is a singularity and intense focus to it that goes so deep. I believe this is why many times in a man’s life, when he loves for the first time and it fails, he closes that door and says, “I will never do that again.”  Their hurt is different from ours, and I believe more intense.   That is an unfortunate thing, because the depth of a man’s love has the capacity to change the planet, especially when aligned with other men’s hearts, and when in support of and honoring of women.

I believe it is time for men to band together, and I envision, perhaps in an idealistic way, putting together an army of men, men who inhabit their hearts, men who know what honor is and to choose to live in it, men who choose to protect the feminine forces on this earth, and the children. Men who value their own sexuality and have integrity about their own lives with purpose. Men who are not run by their genitals, but by the force and power of their own hearts and the deep capacity for love that is different from our own.    I believe from my own experience with the men in my life, that men in certain ways are more sensitive. We don’t honor that as a society and many women do not even recognize it in order to be able to honor it. When men feel valued for their capacity to be who they truly are, I think this will change the way that men view and act towards women.

I know that both men and women experience painful childhoods and abuse. But our childhoods are not an excuse to hurt other people. We have to take responsibility at some point and choose something different. I am inviting all the men in the world to make a different choice. I am inviting the women in the world to see that capacity in men and not to villanize all men for the sins of some. I am inviting the men of this world to find their hearts and to give them to the world and to the women that deserve their hearts. But women and children are at such risk to extreme violence and the violence is becoming more and more extreme. It is being covered up and collaboration is happening in order to effect it and to get away with it.

Men, you can change this. We need to feel safe in the world.  The world needs you to make it so.  Women and children need you to make it so.

So I say this in all seriousness, to any man who is reading this, I would like to begin to organize a men’s collective that is willing to do just that, to find the honor and integrity and goodness and beauty that lives in you  and to use it to restore balance and protection of women to this planet. If you are interested, please CONTACT ME.  And thank you to those already walking this path.

To both men and women, we must find a way to put an end to all of this violence against each other as human beings, regardless of gender.   Love is the only path that will cure this disease.  I intend to be the change I want to see in the world.  Will you join me?

Love & Blessings,

Gina

 

The Gift of Betrayal

No one can betray you, unless you are betraying yourself. This is a simple but true statement. Everyone at some time in their life will know this devastating experience. It seems an inevitability of life’s teachings. It comes with the territory when we are living out of alignment with our truth. This living out of alignment with who we really, this self-betrayal, sets the groundwork for being betrayed by others.

There is a voice inside us all that whispers, speaks, and sometimes yells when those more subtle aspects of her voice are ignored. It guides us our entire life in an effort to keep us true to ourselves. Some people are aware of this voice and listen to it regularly. Some people hear the voice occasionally, especially when there are life’s challenges, and heed its advice. Some people are unaware the voice is there, and never listen or hear it. These folks have the most tragic and difficult lives and are most likely to become victims of betrayal. But it happens to all of us, even those of us who are in sync with that voice, because even with self-examination, we often neglect certain aspects of our lives and the light of awareness fails to illuminate those dark corners.

But it’s difficult to listen all the time, and so we miss the subtle cues, make choices that do not honor us, lie to ourselves about friends, lovers, jobs, and one day we get slammed. HARD.   Someone betrays you in the outside world. But it’s been happening in your inner world or it couldn’t happen at all. When we are willing to deceive ourselves, many will follow suit to do the same to you. In fact, you could say an energetic queue starts to form, and pretty soon you feel powerless in your own life because the betrayals keep on coming.

I believe that in our lives the questions, not the answers, lead us to our wisdom. No matter what we go through, we have to ask the question: How did this happen? Why did I create this situation? What do I need to learn from it? And more questions generally unfold as you start to answer those. What should happen is that you begin to see where the rubber hits the road. Where who you want to be and who you’re pretending to be don’t match up, and therein lies the rub.

Now you must choose, between the authentic you and the one you’ve been carrying around with you and showing everyone. Most people find it would be too challenging to let people know that they don’t want to live the way they’ve been living any longer. It could mean ending marriages, relationships, careers, where we live, financial arrangements. And even though those very structures are the external cause of your discontent, you choose to keep living the lies, and keep perpetuating the self-betrayal. Somehow we convince ourselves it’s easier than blowing up not just your world, but the lives of the others involved with you.

Nothing of greatness that we will ever do in our lives is easy. The harder it is, usually the greatest personal reward

Then you become a victim, “look what’s happened to me!”He/She betrayed me, I was robbed, I didn’t know. I never saw this coming.”  But blindness is only a perception, a choice we make because we are afraid to face the deeper wound that triggers the betrayals.     Somewhere deep inside your soul, you ALWAYS know that there is something amiss. We CHOOSE to turn a blind eye, but that is not the same as blindness.

So what can we learn when we suffer betrayal in any form? Many people, upon suffering a large betrayal, go into a form of shock, shutdown, or the alternative, throw themselves into distraction. The first response is natural, as it is a form of trauma. The second response is a form of avoidance. The most dangerous thing that we can do after suffering the awakening and transformational energy of betrayal, because it really will transform your life if you allow it, is to run away from it. I wrote a blog post a while ago called “The next time pain knocks on your door, invite him or her in for a cup of tea.” (see post archives)  This would be an opportune moment to do just that.

Betrayal rips at the core of your being. The pain can be so intense that the last thing you want to do is to sit with it and face it. Yet unless you do so, you run the risk of having that queue I spoke of formerly knocking on your front door. What you can’t be with, won’t let you be.

So the challenge becomes to face and feel all the feelings that are emerging from this experience. Any challenging experience should be dealt with in the same way, but because of the intensity of a betrayal, it is more likely to lead to deep healing If we can truly be with our pain.

I truly believe that in our deepest darkness, there is the potential for us to achieve a connection to our brightest light. There is a gift in betrayal, as crazy as that may sound. In every painful experience of our lives, there is always a gift.
I recently had the insight that our emotional lives, and the emotion that we experience as human beings is a gift that when followed with commitment, integrity, and courage will lead us into our own spiritual wisdom.
The trick for most of us however, is to not run away from the pain. When something hurts, the last thing we want to do is to stay with it. We become avoidant in many forms, including distraction, work, other relationships, sex, drugs, you name it. But that is keeping us from being present with the pain and the emotion that it is triggering in us.  When you encounter this place in your life, as strange as this might sound,  it would serve you well in transforming and healing to create a mini pain vacation, and hang out with your pain. Stay present with it moment by moment, allow it to pervade your very soul, your heart, your mind. Let it speak to you, and heal you of what you are holding on to that led you to this experience to begin with. If you can do that, rather than taking years to never deal with something because you continue to run away from it, therefore never heal or evolve beyond it, but if you can stay with it, even if it lasts a few months, what you will discover on the other side is a gift.
One of  the many gifts of betrayal is vulnerability. When we are vulnerable, in general, it makes us feel unsafe. But there is a kind of vulnerability that comes from being stripped of everything that you thought was true about who you are and being left naked. But this nakedness has a pureness to it because it shows you who you truly are without subterfuge, delusions, other people’s projections of who you should be, your own perception of yourself that is not in alignment with who you are, and you’re left with, quite simply, who you really are. Your truth. And at the core of the betrayal itself is the idea that something you thought was true, isn’t. Something you believed was real, isn’t. So like sheep shorn of its skin, you are shorn of the lies and deceptions that you have been living in your own life, left naked and exposed. But there is a cleansing also that has occurred. A forceful purification, often violent in its emotional impact. All the poisons in your life in the form of lies, self-deception, wrong choices in careers, people, ideas, are forcibly removed from you. This is why you feel vulnerable, confused, and not sure of what is truth.   We are so used to labeling what we feel as good or bad, negative or positive, yet if we could learn to embrace the full spectrum of our human emotions without judgment, we would learn, grow, evolve,  and ultimately love in the way that we are capable of much more easily and readily and in the way that we are truly meant to.

This energy of betrayal seems rampant right now.  If it has touched your life, use it as a gift to transform and heal yourself.  Allow it to shine a light on all the dark corners within you that you are judging, ashamed of or afraid to see.  Denial that these feelings, wounds and places exist within us will not make you happy and that same denial will sabotage your life over and over and over again until you find the courage to examine them all.  They end up in your subconscious mind, which is a dangerous place.  I liken it to the chauffeur in a limo.  You’re in the back seat, with the privacy glass up, and your subconscious is driving you to a destination that you are unaware of until you get out of the car.

Be patient with yourself and be present with the pain.  And let the journey last as long as it needs to.  Do not place time limits on your healing.  And LOVE YOURSELF every moment.  Reach out to your friends, get support, but most of all, be true to your heart.  Stand naked with your truth.  It may hurt at first, but eventually you will know that there is no other possible way to live in integrity with yourself.  It’s the betrayal of that integrity by YOU FIRST, that opens the door for others to betray you as well.  Make sure that door is never opened.   We all have wounds and issues in life.  It’s part of being human.  Work on your self.  Examine your life, stay present and true, and when betrayal or any other pain touches you, you will be more prepared to allow it to transform you and take you to an even higher octave of your true, beautiful, radiant self.

With love & blessings,

Gina

AN INVITATION TO EXPLORE MY NATURAL BEAUTY TELECLASS IN FEBRUARY

HONORING THE TEMPLE:

 

TIPS, TOOLS AND TENETS FOR BEAUTY AS A LIFE PATH

A 2-hour Interactive Teleclass with Gina Cloud

DID YOU KNOW THAT APPEARANCE AND BODY IMAGE ARE THE NO. 1 SHAME TRIGGERS FOR WOMEN?
DID YOU KNOW THAT WOMEN SPEND MOST OF THEIR EXPENDABLE INCOME ON THE “BEAUTY” INDUSTRY, BUT IN REALITY IT’S THE “CHASING YOUTH” INDUSTRY?

How do YOU define beauty?
What makes you FEEL beautiful?
What if you could learn to be your most beautiful, radiant self, spend significantly less money, and get back the time you spend running around to all of those appointments?
How much money are you spending, weekly, monthly, annually in the pursuit of beauty?
Are you getting the results you desire?
Would you like to learn to age gracefully and forget about the false concept of anti-aging?
Are you willing to TRULY discover that beauty is not skin deep, but soul deep and spirit fed?
Would you like to be freed from the prison of believing that you are only beautiful if you meet society’s impossible standards?

Honoring The Temple is a teleclass in which beauty is explored not as a product or a quick fix, but as a way of life.  READ MORE

ARE YOU SETTLING IN YOUR LIFE, EVEN ON THE SMALL STUFF?

There’s a tenet which says, “The way you do anything is the way you do everything.”  I was reflecting on the notion of where am I settling in my life and it occurred to me that if I settle even on the small things, well, that contributes to my settling on the big ones. I’ll share a recent example.

My dad gave me a cool case for my iPhone 4s for Christmas, but when it arrived, it wasn’t the one that I had asked for, nor was it the one that he ordered.  In other words, a glitch at the Apple store.  Rather than the red one, they sent me an orange one.  Now orange is one of my very favorite colors, but I wanted the red one.  I thought, maybe I would just keep it, no big deal.  But this voice inside me said loudly and clearly, “But you really liked the red one.  Why don’t you exchange it.”  Makes sense, but then I realized it would take EFFORT to make that exchange happen.  I called the Apple Store to see if they had a red one and they said they did, but when I made the EFFORT to drive to the Apple Store to exchange it, it was a different style and not the one I wanted.  So once again, I could have chosen a different one from the stock they had in the store, but I was really feeling how much I wanted what I wanted and didn’t want to settle.  And it became like a mantra in my head, “don’t settle for less than what you truly want.”  At this point it wasn’t about the case, but about living true to myself, as if this experience was a spiritual teaching in and of itself.  (And it was!)  So ultimately they refunded the money in the form of a gift card, and I then went home and made the further EFFORT to reorder it from the online store, and then I had to wait for it to arrive.

So what’s the theme here, really, is it getting what we TRULY want?  On the material level, yes, but it’s the journey that it represents through the EFFORT and some waiting that is the wisdom.  Most of us would rather settle for instant gratification, or to take whatever lands in our lap, even after we have made some EFFORT to get what we truly want.  But when you silence the voice of clarity within you, you begin to live a life of mediocrity, and you will settle all over the place.  In the job you choose to take, the relationship you choose to be in, what you wear, eat and think.  Because it’s true, the way you do anything is the way you do everything.

So why do we do this?  I’m finding that the questions are more important than the answers in life, and the questions will lead you on a journey of self-discovery.  Every time we say, “it’s too much trouble (AKA EFFORT!), I’ll just…” we are setting up a life that is less than what we truly envision for ourselves.  Over time, all that settling morphs into an entirely different life than the one we set out to acquire initially. Every time we say it’s okay when it’s not, we are in the process of changing the frequency of our ENTIRE life.

Now, I”m not talking about compromise here.  All relationships are give and take, and sometimes we need to compromise with another, but I”m inviting you not to compromise with YOURSELF.  Hold out for what you want.  You are worth it.  As I move through my own life, these subtle moments become epiphanies.  No, it’s not about me wanting the red one and not the orange case.  It’s about having what I truly want and being  willing to make the EFFORT to get it. It’s about staying on course with my vision for myself, for my life.  There’s an honesty and integrity in that.  Settling is a form of self-betrayal.  If you’ll betray yourself, you’ll allow others to do it, too.  It’s all connected.

So look at how you do things in your life.  I’m only exploring the aspect of settling in this post, and using a seemingly irrelevant situation as the example, but you can look at other aspects of your life.  For instance,  are you aggressive or passive about how you take action in your life?  Are you conservative or a risk-taker?  Are you a leader of a follower?  Do you like coffee or tea (Okay that was a joke)?   If you start to ask these questions and to examine all the little moments in your life and how you do them, you’ll discover a pattern that is consistent  throughout.  Know thyself.  The relationship you have with yourself is the most important one you’ll ever have.  I mean, you can’t get a divorce from yourself, or move away from yourself,  or ignore yourself.  So you’re stuck with you.  Be the YOU that’s true.  You’re worth the EFFORT.  So don’t settle for less!

Love & Blessings,

Gina

P,S. check out the archive posts and please share them on your social media and with anyone you feel would enjoy them!

DANGEROUS BEAUTY: What You Need to Know About Your Toxic Cosmetics

Are we dying to be beautiful? Many of us might say that metaphorically, but here, I’m asking the question quite literally, and the answer is a resounding yes.

Much of my work is about providing information for us to make empowered choices as women, and within that, the idea of actually HAVING ACCESS to the information that will allow us to do this. Some of you are already aware that the multi-billion dollar beauty industry preys on the insecurities of women and the feeling that many have that they just aren’t pretty enough or young enough. What many of you may not know is just how potentially lethal many of those products are. The cosmetics industry is pretty much unregulated, and many of the common ingredients found in those various products we all use, are HIGHLY toxic. You might ask how can this be? They couldn’t sell items that are dangerous or toxic, that’s illegal. Wrong again. And don’t believe me. Remember, I invite you to explore for yourself whatever I put before you. It’s how I’ve learned so much about these things I know, is through questions and explorations and not taking things at face value, no matter the source.

The Environmental Working Group has a database called Skin Deep, and they are devoted to education of the consumer about cosmetics. Here is a link to an article called Myths on Cosmetic Safety. Please read this. It will open your eyes, and if you still choose to use products that are dangerous for your health, at least you will be doing so consciously. I am constantly angered by lack of full disclosure in many industries. Lack of FULL disclosure means I can’t make and INFORMED choice, and when I can’t do so, that means someone else is controlling my life, so please, so whatever you do from a place of knowledge. It truly is power. I know some of you will click on this link and think the article is too long, or you’ll read it later. For those who think the former, it’s YOUR LIFE AND YOUR HEALTH at stake. As one of the big culprits in toxic cosmetics says, “You’re worth it,” so take the time to read! Please! I’m getting preachy because many of you have no idea how dangerous this pursuit of beauty is. Here are a few facts from their article:

“Myth – The government prohibits dangerous chemicals in personal care products, and companies wouldn’t risk using them.
Fact – Cosmetics companies may use any ingredient or raw material, except for color additives and a few prohibited substances, without government review or approval (FDA 2005, FDA 2000).

• More than 500 products sold in the U.S. contain ingredients banned in cosmetics in Japan, Canada or the European Union (EWG 2007b).
• Nearly 100 products contain ingredients considered unsafe by the International Fragrance Association (EWG 2007c).
• A wide range of nanomaterials whose safety is in question may be common in personal care products (EWG 2006).
• 22% of all personal care products may be contaminated with the cancer-causing impurity 1,4-dioxane, including many children’s products (EWG 2007d, CDC 2009).
• 60% of sunscreens contain the potential hormone disruptor oxybenzone that readily penetrates the skin and contaminates the bodies of 97% of Americans (EWG 2010, Calafat et al 2008).
• 61% of tested lipstick brands contain residues of lead (CSC 2007).”

Let’s take just that last one, that 61% of tested lipstick brands contain residues of lead. LEAD!!! Ladies, if it’s on your lips, you’re eating it all day long, ingesting lead into your system. Lead has been acknowledged for years as a toxic substance. Remember that there used to be lead based paints, and kids would eat the paint chips and end up with lead poisoning. This is from Wikipedi’s info on lead poisoning. Pay particular attention to the very last sentence:

“Humans have been mining and using this heavy metal for thousands of years, poisoning themselves in the process. Although lead poisoning is one of the oldest known work and environmental hazards, the modern understanding of the small amount of lead necessary to cause harm did not come about until the latter half of the 20th century. No safe threshold for lead exposure has been discovered—that is, there is no known amount of lead that is too small to cause the body harm.”

That’s my emphasis in bold and underlined.

Now back to the Skin Deep database that found 61% of tested lipstick brands contain residues of lead, and tying that into the fact that there is no known amount of lead that is too small to cause the body harm, WTF are we doing???? Ladies, we are poisoning ourselves, slowly but surely. You’ll literally eat pounds of lead over the course of your lifetime.

From the time we wake up, starting with toothpaste, our skincare products we wash our faces with, the creams we put on after, the makeup we use as we get ready each day, the soaps we wash our bodies with, the hand creams, ALL OF IT, is adding up to a pretty heavy toxic load cumulatively over the course of our lives as women, in the eternal and now potentially life threatening pursuit of beauty. We must start asking ourselves is this epidemic pursuit of beauty worth dying for. I firmly believe that many of the cancers and hormone issues women experience are in part caused by our lifelong use of these dangerous chemicals in our cosmetics. We live in a toxic world outside of us, and have little control of that external environment. So what we choose to put on our skin, which in Ayurveda is considered the other mouth of our bodies, is within our power to control. What you put in your mouth will be filtered through your digestive process, but what goes on your skin, goes straight into your bloodstream. In essence it’s like mainlining toxic chemicals.

Oh, one more thing we ladies do that’s a huge contributor to our level of toxicity: manicures and pedicures. and how about hair dyes that go right into our scalps, and those oh so popular Brazilian blowouts? How dare we consider going gray? That would be shameful to own our wisdom. Men look great gray. Guess what, so do women. I’ve seen several recently that were stunning, and one woman who I could no take my eyes off of with waist length salt and pepper, but mostly gray hair, with a 30-something face. I approached her and told her how stunning she was an how much I loved her hair. She told me she had never colored it in her life. Talk about REALY beauty. She was stunning! I want to do that.

I did an interview with Stacy Malkan who wrote a book called “Not Just A Pretty Face” about the dangers we are facing due to an unregulated cosmetic industry. The Skin Deep Database of the Environmental Working Group has painstakingly, over many years now created a database of cosmetics that includes all of the product categories I just ran through, and rates them for toxicity. It also has a list of ingredients and their dangers to our health, so that as you move forward in your purchases, hopefully you’ll read the labels more carefully, and with the knowledge to empower you about these substances and their harm to you, you’ll make a different, healthier, safer choice for yourself and your family.

What should you do? Some of you will say, so what, and that’s fine. Some of you will want to make changes. Go to the Skin Deep database and look up the products you use. If they’re not there, submit them. It’s how the database works. They are striving to be the most comprehensive database of cosmetic safety and it’s a collaboration with consumers of the products. See how your products rate, and if you’re mortified, and I can pretty much guarantee you that you will be at least once as you investigate, look for others that are safer and begin to replace your regimen of products with healthier choices.

Now some of you will think, “well, I only use organic products so I know they’re safe.” Think again. That’s one of the myths the above article explores. There can be as much as 10% of non organic ingredients in a product labeled organic, and that 10% can contain some pretty awful stuff. So even we organic fanatics need to check our products in the database.

Aside from changing the products you use, the number one way to avoid this dangerous beauty scenario, is to do the inner work on yourself as a woman that will allow you to live as W.O.M.A.N., knowing that beauty is an inside job, and that yours is already spectacular. Is is easy? No. But I’ve lived this way my whole life. It’s tempting to see that there are “shortcuts”, but those only lead to pretense and the relentless pursuit of an external beauty that is media created. I prefer the road less traveled. Remember, my definition of beauty is that Beauty is not skin deep. It’s soul deep, and spirit fed. Find your truth and be radiant….and that doesn’t cost a dime, and it won’t cost you your health.

PUSHING YOUR MAN TO BE WHO YOU WANT HIM TO BE WON’T CHANGE WHO HE IS

Ok, so this is a LONG one.  You may want to sit down with a cup of tea or coffee, or maybe a glass of wine or, my favorite, a shot of top-shelf tequila.  Ready?

How often, ladies,  do you end up looking at the man that you are in a relationship with or married to and thinking that you wish he could be a certain way, or that he would do something that you’ve always longed for him to do or the big one,  things he used to do?   I was reflecting on something in a conversation I was having with a friend of mine about the reality that as women, in our current modern world, we have a tendency at the beginning of our relationship to try to lead the man that we are getting involved with and who we are attracted to in the direction that we want to go.  It feels natural, because we all want  what we want, especially in relationship,  but this is our fatal mistake.  Because you can lead a horse to water, but as the adage goes,  you can’t make him drink.

Now when he is very thirsty, he will drink. Using that as a metaphor for early on in relationship where men are inclined to give us what we want in order for them to bed us.   This is true, ladies, even of men who care about us or love us or who will love us.  That’s BIG motivation for them to deliver all the goods we want.  So let me give you some examples of what I’m speaking to so that I can make what’s clear in my mind, clear to you as well.

Let’s say early on in a relationship, we want the man in our life to know that we love to be spoiled.   Now that means different things to different women, but let’s just say for the sake of this piece( and for simplicity’s sake) that we want our guy to know that we love to be taken out to dinner three or four times a week, (ok, so it’s a shallow example but that’s the way it’s coming through!)  and we want to be able to spend a certain amount of time together each week.    But when we start booking the reservations for the restaurant, or saying to him, “why don’t we go out to dinner tonight,”  rather than allowing him to suggest what he would like to do, we just go ahead and take charge and make it happen. and this is leading the horse to water, or in this case to the restaurant table.   So in those early stages you end up thinking all this is so romantic and he takes me out to dinner. But the reality is you set it up.
For the sake of keeping this simple and illustrating the point, if you want someone who wants to go out to dinner three times a week and you are with the man who never suggests taking you out to dinner, and when I say never suggests,  I’m speaking to that brand-new place in relationship where people really reveal who they are. Let’s say he suggests hey, let’s go for a picnic out in the woods. Not your flavor? A lot of women would say yes anyway, because they like this guy and they want him to like her, so what we are basically doing is setting up our new relationship lies and facades.  You’ll go for a picnic in the woods and hate every bit of it because you don’t like bugs or sitting on the ground, and he will go out to dinner with you even though restaurants aren’t his thing. As time goes on, you will continue the farce,  but most guys won’t.  Sorry ladies, but this is one of those places where I have to give it to men for being  more simple and honest. And it’s not that we are being dishonest consciously, it’s that there is a subtle form of manipulation going on when we keep trying to get him to do what we want.  And it’s born of a fear that either we will never have what we want, or that we don’t deserve to have what we want, or a combination of these feelings.  Or perhaps you just don’t want to end up alone, so you settle for what comes along.
What to do? In those early days, if you are clear about  what is important to you in relationship, you must adopt the feminine principle of BEING  and leave the masculine one of DOING to him. Witness how he shows up organically, because this is who he really is. Is he a guy that brings you flowers and takes you out to dinner and fancy places if that’s who you are? Or is he the kind of guy that wants to sit and talk for hours and know who you are from the inside out? You won’t find this out if you continue to lead with your doing. You’re trying to get what you want and need from a relationship which you are absolutely entitled to have, but you can’t get it by trying to change the man who is in front of you.  When we do this, we dishonor ourselves and the man before us.
Are you following me on this? Why do we do this? I believe because inherent in most women is a sense or belief that if we are just being who we are, that won’t be enough to be offered the things that we genuinely want to be offered by a man in a relationship, so we work at it. We set up our own romantic scenarios and all the other ones that are important to us. But here’s the thing, is it because we’re afraid of being alone? If we just were truly who we were and allowed the man that is the object of our interest to just be who he is and we both were to witness how we each show up for the other we would very early on know the truth of whether we will be a good fit in relationship. Instead we create a habit of getting what we want by taking the masculine role and then one day we realize “he never does XYZ if I don’t initiate.”   You’re right, because it’s not in his nature and  you probably should never have been with him if this is one of the things on your list of needs in a relationship. And then when you get angry, your guy is scratching his head because he genuinely, honestly doesn’t understand.  You see, ladies,  the simplicity of man is the gift and the confounding confoundment that they bring to us, just as our innate complexity levies the same effect on them.

For men, often a duck is just a duck. To us, we see a potential Christmas dinner (sorry to my vegetarian readers) and a down pillow, and wonder why in the world they only see a duck.   I think part of the problem stems from the idea that most women, including myself for large portion of my life, never really examined what is truly important to me in a relationship. What do I want from a man mentally, emotionally, spiritually,  physically,  sexually, financially, and how do I want to feel in his presence?   So many of us just take what we are offered, afraid
to have nothing offered at all. But for those of us who assumed a masculine role and do the doing, not only will you never have what you desire from a man, but you will also emasculate the man that you are in relationship with and he will never have what he wants from a woman, which in part is to be able to offer himself to her, not to be forced to give her what she wants.
There is a huge difference between being offered something by a man and asking for it from him.
In my book, I write about the difference between being a W.O.M.A.N.  And feminism. I believe that feminism attempted to bring socioeconomic parity two women,  which we certainly deserve, but somewhere along the way we stopped being in our feminine qualities.  We stopped experiencing them in ourselves and we stopped offering them to the world, and of course the men we come in contact with.

Men are longing to experience a part of us that knows how to just be, how to subtly suggest what we need from them, without so much blah, blah, blah. Men don’t want to be talked at, they want to be talked to.
But back to us. If you’re in a relationship, think about how the scenarios I am putting forth in this piece may relate to you and how your relationship began.  If your guy is someone who you complain about who is always sitting on the couch drinking beer, watching sports and porn, well, he should probably be in a relationship with a woman who likes to do those things as well. But if in beginning you chose to overlook qualities that were clearly present in him to go along with it to try to sway him into doing all the things you love, this relationship is and was doomed from the beginning.   The feminine art of asking from the place of the heart, the womb, is wordless and has more power than all the talking we could ever do.

A large part of my work speaks to the need for us to return to the true feminine essence, and by implication how that will redirect the masculine. The masculine has become more feminine as the feminine has become more masculine. Look around the world just in your immediate environment and notice how many couples have an inversion of those male/female polarities, where the women wear the pants so to speak.   And I’m not saying AT ALL that we should let men dominate us. That’s NOT what this is about.  It’s about balance, polarity, harmony, synergy, and most of all, love.  Not dominion.

So if you just show up as who you are and don’t feel that you have to effort, or do anything at all in order to receive, eventually the right guy will show up. He will offer you those things that are most important to you. You won’t get everything in one person but if you hold out and value yourself, you will attract the most important things on your list.
Now speaking of  lists, I highly recommend this as a practice that I have used in my life repeatedly to continue to attract the type of relationship I desire.  You do need to make those lists, as they will bring you copious amounts of clarity about all kinds of things you want and don’t want in a relationship. You must get in touch with what you desire and deserve and then you can call it in

So go back a few paragraphs — I know this is a really long post, LOL — but go back a few paragraphs and take some time to write down the answers to those questions. And I don’t mean five minutes, I mean take a week.  Write the answers down one day at a time.  Refine them, delete some, change them.   Until you are clear about what you truly want, you are gambling with the Universe, which will give you whatever you are asking for, consciously or unconsciously.  So become clear and create consciously, as you are otherwise creating unconsciously.   In the meantime you need to show up with the fervent belief and knowledge that you deserve just because you’re you. Stop trying to tell your man who to be or what to do and how to do it. Let him be.  And don’t use your love and affection as leverage or reward.  Love is given freely, or it isn’t love.

If he is truly not a match for you, do the right thing and let both of you out of the relationship. And the next time you meet a guy, if you are a food and wine aficionado and he’s asking you what you like to do and you tell him and then he never takes you to a winery or a great gourmet restaurant, then you know what to do. I’m cracking myself up that I keep picking the food analogies because anyone who knows me personally knows  food is not on my list!
So learn to surrender, it’s the most beautiful aspect of our feminine nature. Not surrendering for someone to have dominion over us, but surrendering to the power within us that has the power to attract all that we could ever need or want.

And yes, a duck is just a duck AND Christmas dinner (apologies again) and a feather pillow.  All potential is there.  What we or someone else sees doesn’t limit or define that duck.  Gina is just Gina.  AND  mother and a lover and a writer and a women’s health advocate.  If someone only sees some parts of me doesn’t mean the others don’t exist.  Bu I have to ask myself which on that list matter most for me to share with a man in my life.  If I choose a man who doesn’t see those parts that matter most, he’s probably not right for me.  Or if he realizes it matters to me and OF HIS OWN VOLITION AND NOT MY FORCING, decides to embrace or explore that with me, it can work.  That’s called growth in a relationship.

If you are a more masculine woman, you will attract a more feminine man.  Polarity is what creates chemistry in a relationship.  People without chemistry are just friends.  So examine your life, are the men you attract more feminine or more masculine?  What do you want?  And the more masculine a man is, the less likely he will love the wordiness that we women are so prone to, but he will give you other yummy things that we long for.  Most of us have a combination of masculine and feminine, with one usually dominant.
Which are you and why?

So I think I’ll leave you hanging there, to ponder yourself and all of the above.  If you chose to have a glass of wine or that shot of tequila before sitting down to read this, it may have turned into more than one, so I apologize if you’re now a little tipsy.

Remember, YOU are exquisite and deserve all that you desire.  Believe this with all your heart, go into your feminine essence, and allow it all to come to you.

Love & blessings,

Gina

PS. If you need help in unraveling this part of yourself, it’s one of the things I do best, so feel free to contact me here or at g.cloud@verizon.net.

CAN YOU STAY PRESENT WHEN THINGS ARE UNPLEASANT?

I’m quite certain that each and every one of us has had at least one day in our lives where we say either to ourselves or out loud, “Life sucks!!”  And these days, we may be saying or thinking it more often than ever before.  Truth is, life never sucks, but our perceptions about life can make this our truth of the moment, rather than THE truth.  I think of THE truth as things we all know without questioning how we know them, like how everyone knows what love is, even though it’s never something that needs to be explained.  It’s something we KNOW in our bones.  So THE truth is that life’s journey for each of us individually and collectively is meant to take us exactly where we need to be in any given moment.  But it’s so damned hard to remember that, when you’ve lost your job, or find out you have cancer, or lose a loved one, or feel depressed a lot.  In those life circumstances, we are prone to feel that life sucks.  I wrote a post a few weeks back about inviting pain in for a cup of tea when next it knocks on your door.  In essence, it’s about embracing life’s challenges, changes, and yes, pain, as an old friend, rather than running away.

So often, when we have that life-sucks mentality, we have lost hope.  We feel powerless, victimized by circumstance and people around us.  But THE truth is that it is a perception, not reality.  It feels unpleasant.  And the challenge becomes, can you stay present when things are unpleasant?  When we stay present, we tend to move more quickly through the “bad” stuff.  It’s that old adage of “the only way out is through.”

If you were going to walk across a bed of hot coals (and use that as an analogy for whatever life-sucks issue is knocking at your door), you know it’s hot, you know it’s going to be difficult, but if you are present and decide, I’m just going to walk as quickly as I can and get to the other side where the ground is cool, most of us can do this.  If, however, you decide to panic when you feel the first surge of heat on the soles of your feet, and you stop because it hurts, you will get burned.  Probably fall off the path (each hot coal) that you are destined to follow because you don’t believe you can cross it as it is now, it’s just to uncomfortable, too unpleasant.  And you’ll stand there frozen with fear, thinking there’s no way you can do it.  But again, that’s perception, and projection.

If you can stay present when things are unpleasant, you will find inspiration in the form of your own soul urging you on.  Yes, you can. ” It’s difficult, but I can do this.  I want to overcome this and there’s no way around it.”   You stay the course, you overcome the noise inside your mind that says it’s too hot and you can’t do it.  You stay present through the unpleasantness and you grow.  You traverse that difficult path which is uncomfortable, painful, fraught with uncertainty and you discover treasures inside yourself that perhaps you didn’t know you possessed.  Or you rediscover ones you thought you’d lost.    Every time we stay present with our perceived adversity, we expand into more of who we really are.  Every time we encounter unpleasantness in our lives and want to escape through food, sex, talking, shopping, video games, choose to stay present instead.  Is it confronting?  Hell yes!  But to confront simply means to face something.  To look it squarely in the metaphorical eyes, to assess it and find a way to overcome it.  Unpleasantness is just another word for change.  It rarely feels good while it’s happening but you know it’s for the best.  Stay present and moment by moment, have an internal dialogue that is supportive, encouraging, one that says you can transcend this and then trust, surrender and do it.  And surround yourself with people who will do the same for you, as external support.

There are so many moments in life that we find uncomfortable or unpleasant, but our perception of them as such is a huge factor in how we navigate them.  Choose to perceive them as challenges, as opportunities for growth and you will be empowered by them rather than becoming a victim of the situations that create them.  Flow with, not against what is.  The current may be very strong, scary and uncertain, and you may be carried farther than you may have wanted to go, but in your surrender, in being present, there will be no struggle, and maybe, just maybe, where you find yourself, though you did not envision it, will be EXACTLY where you need to be.

Love and Blessings,

Gina

Sisterhood – Getting High Off Of Our Connections With Other Women

The other day I was working out at my gym just doing my usual cardio routine when I was fortunate enough to have an accidental connection with a woman who got onto the elliptical next to me. She had accidentally clunked one of the rollers off of the groove and was trying to figure out what happened and in a collective problem solving moment, we figured out what was wrong.  She said thank you, and we started to chat. First it was politics, then the awful new decor at the gym.  And then, as almost any conversation I am  having with a stranger goes, it turned to just life. We opened up to each other about spiritual things, political beliefs, challenged childhoods and how they affect your life, and we just began to have this very animated, connected, instantaneous bond. We literally talked for an hour.    When we both got off of the equipment and were lying on the floor doing some abdominals, she looked at me and said, “God you can get high off of people!” And I smiled, because this made me realize how much I do love connecting with other human beings, but then I said to her,  “You know. this is really a woman thing.”    I said I had lots of men friends that I have great conversations with, but this kind of bonding, sisterhood, truly exposed kind of connection only happens between women, women who are willing to share and to open to each other.

I realized when she said that we can get high off people, that I did feel very alive in that moment from the connection we had forged over the past hour of bonding while working out.  We had also been talking about how devoid of female energy our world is and how it’s becoming more and more masculine in its pace, energy, frequency and ideas.  So of course that’s venturing into my very favorite topic, which just made us even more animated in our dialogue .  I love it when I can engage with another woman or women on the topic of why the world needs women to be women, not men.  It inspires me to talk about it and inspires the women I’m talking to.  That’s when we get high off each other!  When women find an inspiring topic, something that we feel passionate about and we share it with other women, especially with the intention to be of service, we can truly heal each other I believe, and change the world!  When we ban together for a cause, women are UNSTOPPABLE!

We even had discussion at one point in our mutual disgust at “how things are,” (read my post about the way things are!) and she expressed her feeling of “What can I do?  It’s hard to make a difference.”  There was such inspiration going back and forth between each other.  I truly believe there were endorphins being generated in our exchange, which is why she made the comment about getting high off of people.

All it takes is being open and willing and real and authentic.   All it takes is putting down your phone and looking into the eyes of a fellow woman, smiling and saying hello.  All it takes is a genuine caring connection with another human being. It is effortless. But we as women do this in a way that men don’t. And we do it with each other in such a beautiful way.  I live in Los Angeles and there a lot of fake “I love you people, let’s get together, ” seeming caring, that is just superficial. I’m not talking about any of that, and we all know the difference. This woman and I had genuine connection that we both availed ourselves of, shared with each other and because of this, we inspired each other, and literally got high off of connecting.

As women, we are such communal creatures. But this world that we live in, this ultra masculine frequency, energy, and pace, does not allow us to remember this, to experience this, to explore it, without being extremely conscious of the fact that it is nowhere to be found and if we want to experience it, we must generate it ourselves.  How? Just the way it happens organically, speaking to a woman that is next to you. Not sizing her up for her appearance or her attire or comparing yourself to her, but opening to the genuine sisterhood that is all around us, available to us, if we would only open ourselves to it.  It is truly easy to start a conversation about almost anything. And one thing does lead to another with us women. And quickly. LOL If I see a woman who is sad, or looks like they’ve had a bad day. I might compliment her on something, or I might honestly say something like, “Has your day been that bad?” It opens up a genuine door of compassion and connection that we can choose to step through with each other, and if nothing else, you’ve simply done a kindness by acknowledging that woman.  And ladies, we all know that acknowledgment is something we just don’t get enough of in our lives.

We are powerful, beauty-filled forces of feminine nature, and when we ban together to share ANYTHING, we open the door to EVERYTHING.  Talk to as many women in your day as you can.  Smile at those you can’t speak to, and offer your heart to your sisters through your words and smiles.  I have made so many wonderful women friends just by living my life this way.  We are all yearning to feel the feminine all around us, enfolding us, embracing us, sustaining us.  We long for it because it’s been almost completely removed from our world.  But where two or three, or more women gather in their feminine energy, there is an exponential increase in that energy in our world.  One by one, joining hands and hearts with our sisters, we can heal this planet.  This, I believe with all my heart.

So try it.  See where it leads you.  And take the time DAILY to tune into your feminine self.  Without constant access to this part of yourself, your life will be joyless, stressful and empty eventually. Women can’t live in a masculine world devoid of the feminine.   And if you need reminders, read my book.  It’s a quick read, but it will inspire you in your feminine essence.

For those of you in Los Angeles, I am starting a dance class focused on my acronym. W.O.M.A.N.  It will be a 5-week series, 2 hours a week, both lecture and dance so that you can experience the W.ild, O.pen, M.agical A.uthentically-empowered N.ectar you are.  Please contact me if you’re interested and I will put you on the mailing list for the class!  You’ll meet amazing women and unearth the Goddess lying within. We are exquisite!

Love and Blessings,

Gina Cloud

JUST BECAUSE THAT’S THE WAY IT IS…DOESN’T MEAN THAT’S THE WAY IT HAS TO BE

There are six words that make my blood boil whenever I hear them.  Those six words are: “That’s just the way it is.”  Those words signify to me resignation, acceptance, powerlessness over the way things are in our society, our world, our personal lives.  They reek of a militant, “march, march, march,” chant, inciting us to all be the same, to get in line and do as we are told by “them.”  Those six words ooze the frequency of “I can’t change it, so I have to accept it,” about circumstances that control our lives or make us feel hostage to them.  Those six words are prelude to a feeling of imprisonment and victimhood.  And they become an excuse for why we don’t take action in our lives to make things the way we want them to be, rather than the way they are currently, collectively.  They become the excuse for why we are not living true to ourselves.

What I want to know is who says that’s just the way it is, is the way it has to be?  In my world, those six words are a call to action, a call to rebellion, a call, literally,  to friends to vent about how angry it makes me that we just tend to settle for and accept what’s put before us in society as the norm, what’s popular, what’s happening du jour.  And almost always they are a call for me to move in the direction 180 degrees of whatever that thing is.

Let’s take the example of the media and its effect/control over our lives here in the West, and literally all over the world, but we’ve got it the worst here, I believe.  We absorb what’s put before us as the way it is, but why don’t we question it and ask that question:  who says it has to be that way?  If we stop and ask ourselves this question every step of the way, we become more independent, free-thinking people (yes, subversive to those who want us to stay in THEIR box), people who make choices based on having considered what’s right for you personally, for your family, for your health.  There’s almost no area of our lives that the media doesn’t touch/manipulate with its multi-armed monsters.  There’s TV, Internet, music, ads, magazines, radio, mainstream health information, especially as it relates to women’s health and prescription drugs.  We are bombarded with signals via all our senses, inviting us to get on the train bound for the destination known as mediocrity.
So ask yourself, do you really want to live a life proscribed by the dictates of others, no matter what their form takes?  Do you daily stop and ask yourself if what you are about to purchase/do/experience is something you REALLY choose, or is it just part of life’s treadmill that you’ve become accustomed to?  How would your life look if you turned off all the input from the outside and simply LISTENED to the output from within?

We are marching through our lives like automatons, being fed a modicum of metaphoric “foods” to keep us from feeling starvation, but our souls are so malnourished for that which would bring us true joy, vitality, connection to ourselves and others, a sense of purpose and peace.  What lives inside you that is TRUE to who you are regardless of whether society, or your family, or your friends, or your boss, or the whole damned world would find it acceptable?  Where are you compromising self to sustain the facade of being accepted by others?

When we are willing to simply question things, hell, EVERYTHING, our lives become ours again.  We reclaim them and begin the journey back to self.  So the next time you hear those six words, challenge the idea that it’s being said about.  And if you hear yourself saying them, then challenge yourself.  The only way it has to be is the way YOU choose it to be.

love & blessings,

Gina Cloud